“God never said that the journey would be easy, but He did say that the arrival would be worthwhile” – Max Lucado
Let’s Not Let Feelings of Failure Hold Us Down
By Amber Palmer
I find myself sitting here on a Sunday morning, another full week laying ahead and wondering where in the world did the past week go? All that I had set out to accomplish did not happen. The minutes, hours, and days flew by as I stood still not achieving anything. Feelings of failure whip around me, leaving me feeling depleted, unworthy in my calling as a mom.
Although, as I spend time with God in His word, I have life breathed back into my dry bones of exhaustion and disappointment. He reminds me of all that I did get accomplished. The house is still standing (can I get an amen?). The kids are alive, healthy, and thriving. Maybe you got dinner on the table at least 3 times this week (woot woot!). The laundry managed to get done (even if it is still in the basket, it’s done right?).
I can sit here on this beautiful day and go over in my head everything that went unchecked off my list, or I can keep my eyes on God and think of the things that in fact went well. Let’s not sit in this pit as our flesh piles failure after failure on top of ourselves. Sweet mama, reach out of that pit and grab onto Jesus’ hand that is reaching for you. Praise God that His mercies are new every, single morning. Not some mornings, EVERY morning!
Whatever is true, is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy
think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
When we turn our grieving souls from the past week of failures and turn our eyes to Philippians 4:8, we can feel revived by switching our perspective. We can keep our focus on everything we didn’t do and fix our eyes on God to see what we did make happen this past week, year, or life. We can’t thrive in a state of disappointment and we absolutely cannot make the changes we want if we stay living in the feeling of failure.
Point blank, life is hard on this side of heaven, so hard! So, we need to celebrate our accomplishments be it big or small. Take time, write them down now. With God’s help let it propel you and encourage you for the week that lies ahead. Go ahead sister, reach up out of the pit and hold on tight to Jesus’ hand. I pray as you read this you feel a great release and the beautiful embrace in the arms of our loving father.
Opening Your Eyes Creates a Heart of Remembrance
By Amber Palmer
It was the first week of summer and I had already found myself sobbing in my room…twice. If strife was a color, I bet our neighbors could see it pouring out of our home like billowing smoke. Our house felt so heavy with anger. I was feeling the failure as a mom erupt over me. With one child still needing to finish up her homeschooling for the school year, and another one done with school, ready to start his summer vacation, we were all at the end of our ropes. The amount of patience we had for one another was thread bare.
As I was picking up the mess in one of our bathrooms, I felt God whisper to me, open your eyes. I paused a bit to reflect on these words and what God might be wooing my heart towards. Almost immediately a picture of my kids watering the garden together popped into my head from earlier that day. After much coursing and reminders that we needed to water the garden, I was able to get my two kids outside with me. My daughter took the initiative to start watering from garden bed to garden bed. By the time she made it to the third bed, I heard my son say he wanted a turn with the watering. I remember I took a deep breath in, closed by eyes, bracing myself for the power struggle that was going to unfold in front of me while the whole neighborhood overheard. Instead, when I opened my eyes my children were holding the hose together! They were not holding it in a struggle for supreme power over who was going to be the ultimate water gardener. They were actually holding it together as a team! My daughter and son moved from plant to plant in unison making sure the growing plants had enough water. The memory of their sweet little hands holding the green hose together brought a smile onto my face. I felt my heart soften and my shoulders relax.
One of my favorite bible stories is Joshua and the stones of remembrance in chapter 4. After a long and tiring 40 years in the desert (remember the Israelites even begged to go back to slavery in Egypt?), God finally brings his people into the Promise Land. While God parted the Jordan River, the Israelites collected twelve rocks from the Jordan River and they piled the rocks on top of each other as a remembrance of what God did for them. If we open our eyes, we can see our own remembrance rocks of God working in our lives, of the blessings that are right before us, and how God is faithful to us. In order to help me get through the hard moments I was currently facing; I knew God wanted me to savor the moment of my two kiddos working together and hold onto this memory as a stone of remembrance.
Sweet mom, the enemy wants to leave us feeling like things are always hard and that they are never going to change. He wants to make sure you are left feeling empty so you have nothing to pour into your family. A dry, broken, and empty vessel.
Oh, but God! God knows how to fill up your empty vessel. In Philippians 4:8 (NIV) God tells us to open our eyes to, “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think on these things.” When you are left feeling frustrated, angry, and depressed from your current situation, rest in this peace that God is offering you. Put into practice going over the times in your life that were good, where God met you and carried you. Make sure you are collecting stones of remembrance as you go about your days, months, and years. Hold them close to you for safe keeping. Make sure to share them with your children as beautiful reminders for them to open their eyes with you.
Finding Contentment in All Seasons
By Amber Palmer
The warmth and sunshine called to me from outside my home as I opened the windows to let some fresh air in.
The sweet sound of toddlers voices from the park across the street, quickly filled my quiet house. With my kids being at school, my house felt empty as I listened to the shrieks and shrills flowing in from the park outside.
I couldn’t help but sneak-a-peek at the joy that was happening on the swings and the merry-go-round. Moms were sitting huddled together at the park bench, enjoying each other’s company and calling out to their little ones to be careful. As much as I wanted to smile at the sweet scene, I couldn’t let go of the major mom guilt that was wrecking my heart and the sadness in my soul.
When my kids were toddlers, it was hard to sit back and enjoy their precious faces. Their contagious laughter, silly responses, and sweet cuddles were lost in the overwhelmingness that motherhood left me in. I was working full time and overcome by motherhood, I found myself barely getting through each day. Everything felt heavy and each daily motherhood task felt like a major ordeal that I was bound to get wrong…again.
Honestly, bedtime could never come fast enough.
Sleep deprivation led me to worship sleep like nothing else. Just get to bedtime, I would tell myself. Or I often threw up lofty prayers, just make it until they’re 18, in hopes that time would speed up and I would be passed these difficult moments in my life. I settled too comfortably in survival mode.
If I could just make it to the next season, then things would be better. If I could just be a stay at home mom, then things could be different. If only I can find a way to discipline my strong-willed child, then our house wouldn’t feel so out of control.
The “If then’s” ruled in my heart and ruled my motherhood.
I relied on my own strength and current circumstances to carry me through motherhood and based my own self worth on; all of which left me feeling weary, depressed, and absolutely unqualified. When you are feeling this way, it is really challenging to joyfully soak in your children, especially during the toddler years.
Here I was sitting in my house, watching other people’s toddlers from the window, and crying because I felt that I had let so much slip through my fingertips. I let life get the best of me and run me over, time and time again.
My children are school aged now and what I’ve learned through the years is that all seasons are challenging in their own ways. Some things become easier while other things become more difficult. We can allow the seasons to be moments of growth were we are refined and changed. It’s in these harder seasons where we learn to trust in God and lean on him to get us through. That doesn’t mean you have to love the season you’re in with your kids, but you can find ways to open up to God’s peace and grace; joyfully looking for the beauty of the season you’re in.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, guilty, or letting the worries of failure take over and taking away from your motherhood, try to tuck these tips into your sweet mama heart for safe keeping:
1. Let God in and Let Go– First and foremost, I need to make sure to invite God into my heart, my home, and my motherhood. Time with God and time in His word helps give me the foundation I need to face the day, no matter what that looks like. It also helps me to see life from His perspective.
2. Embrace the Chaos– It’s crazy, but it’s okay to come to terms that life with kids equals chaos, intense, and all over the place emotions. Plain and simple, it’s not going to be perfect no matter what. It’s in those chaotic moments when I can step back and say yep, it’s crazy right now but it won’t always be and then I can focus on something that is going smoothly. Embrace what is in front of you with open arms, focus on the joyful moments, keep learning and most importantly breathe.
3. Give Yourself Grace: I need to accept that being a mom is hard, there will be good days and bad days. The reality is I am a human being who is trying to figure out this mom gig as I go. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to prepare ourselves to be a mom, we don’t know until we actually go through it. Staying steady in God’s perspective of the child in front of us and how He sees us can take us from surviving to thriving. It’s not because you are a bad mom, it is just life sometimes. I must remember God’s mercies are new every morning and His love for us is deep.
4. Stay in the present– I am only hurting myself when I am living in the past of regrets or in the false future of thinking things will be better when their older. I am robbing myself of the presence. When I stay focused on the moment, I can appreciate the little things more and connect with my kids in an intentionally, beautiful way. This will help get rid of all the “if then’s” and “the wait until their older” charades I play with myself.
The reality is, our kids are going to be adults in the blink of an eye (even though most days it may feel like forever away). It’s inevitable that it is going to happen and we’ll miss the busyness in our homes. We will miss seeing their sweet faces every day. We will miss the loudness of their precious little voices filling up all the spaces in our homes. We will miss being called mommy. We will miss being the first person they tell all of their stories to (I know it can be draining now but soon we will be forcing all the details from them!). The best thing we can do is find contentment in all seasons. That doesn’t mean you have to love the season you’re in with your kids, but you can find ways to be at peace with it so you can be joyfully looking for the beauty of the gifts God has in front of you.
So, moms, what do you say? Let’s rest in what is before us, remember it won’t be like this for long, and savour every bit of it that we can. Yep, that means even the crazy!
“Whenever my busy thoughts were out of control, the soothing comfort of your presence calmed me down and overwhelmed me with delight.” Psalm 94:19
My Jars of Clay 