My Jars of Clay

Insecure.

A word I have strung along with me throughout my whole life. I have always been unsure of myself and uneasy in my own skin.

 I have a vivid memory of a young 9-year-old me, sitting in my 4th grade classroom and being so uncomfortable with the way my chin seemed to recede further back than my nose. I didn’t like the way it looked, so I would sit the whole class with my head resting in my hand. I was hoping with my hand situated just right, I could block the other kids from seeing this side view I was deeply concerned about.

 I also refused to wear my hair back in a ponytail because I felt my ears were too big and everyone might make fun of me. I knew I was the perfect candidate for a Dumbo nickname.

 I can’t tell you how thankful I was when my mom let me wear makeup so I could cover my freckles. They were not angel kisses to me, no matter how many times my mom tried to remind me of this.

 When most kids looked forward to summer, I dreaded the season because my legs always seemed too white and skinny. I didn’t tan very easily, and everyone liked to point this out to me. I would have to hear how white and skinny my legs were every time I wore shorts. I remember feeling so pretty, all dressed for my junior prom and a friend of mine walked up to me and said she didn’t think I could possibly look any skinnier than I did right then.

 I let these comments shape my self-perception and degrade my value.

 I was so uncomfortable with myself.

 I knew everyone was judging me, and thusly I became the biggest judger of them all.

Continue reading the rest of the post over on the Life, Abundantly Blog Battling Insecurities: Aligning our Perspective with God’s — Life, Abundantly (lifeabundantlyblog.com)