My Jars of Clay

By Amber Nicole

Lately I’ve been thinking about my relationship with the Lord and how it has grown over the years.

As I look back over my spiritual journey, I’ve realized the path to a relationship with Jesus was kindled by three beautiful women in my life.

My mom, my Auntie Laurie, and Joyce Meyers.

It was a simple start.

My mom planted Jesus in my heart like a beautiful little seed. I knew about Jesus and loved Him. This was the extent of my relationship with Him and as deep as my spiritual life went. We didn’t go to church or study the Bible. There were no Sunday school songs being sung about Noah’s Ark or John 3:16 being memorized.  I know where we came from and where we would go when we were no longer walking this earth. Jesus loved me and I loved Him.

When I was in seventh grade, my Auntie Laurie was diagnosed with breast cancer. The news hit us pretty hard, especially for my mom. For three years we watched her fight for her life. She did treatments, lost her hair, but she never lost her glow. When we would visit her, she was always smiling, and telling us jokes to make us laugh. I can still hear her laugh in my head when I think about her. I remember wondering how she could be so strong and confident even though her body was giving up on her. Not once did I see her cry or have a break down over what was going on with her health. Her walk with the Lord shined through during this hard time in her life, in such a beautiful way that made others, including myself, wonder about this relationship she had with God. We wanted the joy she had; it was contagious to those around her. After my aunt lost her battle with cancer, my family started attending church and I was baptized along with my parents.

Church became important to me and I enjoyed going every Sunday. Even when I was in college, I tried to find a church I could attend because my heart hungered for the Lord. I loved to raise my hands up as I sang along to the beautiful worship music with other believers and have my soul filled up for the week.

I still felt like I needed more.

More of Jesus but I wasn’t sure how. I remember watching the other college kids worship during one of the Christian club meetings I attended, trying to figure out what it was they had and I didn’t.  

My love for the Lord stayed with me well after those college days.  The little seed my mom helped to plant in my heart was growing little by little.

When I became a mom, the growth stopped and my weary soul became dried up.

I spent a lot of motherhood in fear, frustration, and sadness. Being a mom overwhelmed me and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why it was so hard.  Why couldn’t I do something women were made to do. Our bodies were created for this but my body felt like it was betraying me.

I wasn’t succeeding and the failure I felt was more than I could bear at times. 

Before I became a mom-when I was struggling with something at school or work-I would just try harder and everything would work out fine. When I would implement my same hardworking ethic to motherhood, I felt like I would just fail even harder. Nothing worked! I couldn’t figure out what I was missing but I knew I needed something in my life to help make sense of it all.

After a tear-filled phone call with my mom, she encouraged me to record and watch an episode of Joyce Meyer’s Enjoying Everyday Life show. The first time I watched Joyce Meyers on my television screen, teaching scripture out of the Bible, my weary soul burst open as she poured the living Word into me.  

After that I was hooked on the Word.  

I learned the power of God’s Word in my life.

I learned the power of prayer and trusting God no matter what my current situation looks like.

Praise the Lord, I learned I can change when I read the Word and when I partner with God in my life.  “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword. “Hebrews 4:12 ESV

This is what I had been missing.

I not only needed God on Sundays, or when worship music was playing. I needed Him in every part of my life. I needed Him every day of the week. Every breath I had in me, I needed Him. I needed His living and active Word in my heart, in my mind, and on my tongue.

From my aunt’s battle with cancer to my own deep dark pits; I learned in the dark is where our seeds grow. God’s Word pours out onto our little seeds like the sunlight and creates deep roots into Him. The blossoming seed gives us the strength and joy that there is more to this life than what we see in front of us.

I am forever grateful to these women who helped shaped my relationship with the Lord and how good the Lord is to have put them in my life like a lighted pathway straight to Him.

I am still growing and changing as I chase after God. There are mountains, hills, and valleys that I will walk through to get to Him. Somedays I remember better than others that God is walking right next to me. Sometimes I remember He is just one word away, Jesus. Other days I falter and fall off the path altogether.

As life goes on, I know there will be more people to add to my spiritual growth story and more moments to make my roots grow deeper. There will be more glowing lamps lightening up the path to God when I get lost in the darkness. For this I am so grateful for the deep faith which anchors my feet.

May our journey to grow closer to God never stop and may we open our eyes to those who might need a lighted path to the one who gave His all for us.

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Psalm 119:105 ESV