My Jars of Clay

The warmth and sunshine called to me from outside my home as I opened the windows to let some fresh air in.

The sweet sound of toddlers voices from the park across the street, quickly filled my quiet house. With my kids being at school, my house felt empty as I listened to the shrieks and shrills flowing in from the park outside.

I couldn’t help but sneak-a-peek at the joy that was happening on the swings and the merry-go-round. Moms were sitting huddled together at the park bench, enjoying each other’s company and calling out to their little ones to be careful. As much as I wanted to smile at the sweet scene, I couldn’t let go of the major mom guilt that was wrecking my heart and the sadness in my soul.

When my kids were toddlers, it was hard to sit back and enjoy their precious faces. Their contagious laughter, silly responses, and sweet cuddles were lost in the overwhelmed that motherhood left me in. I was working full time and overcome by motherhood, I found myself barely getting through each day. Everything felt heavy and each daily motherhood task felt like a major ordeal that I was bound to get wrong…again. 

Honestly, bedtime could never come fast enough.

Sleep deprivation led me to worship sleep like nothing else.  Just get to bedtime, I would tell myself. Or I often threw up lofty prayers, please Lord, help me make it until they’re 18, in hopes that time would speed up and I would be passed these difficult moments in my life. I settled too comfortably in survival mode.

If I could just make it to the next season, then things would be better. If I could just be a stay at home mom, then things could be different. If only I can find a way to discipline my strong-willed child, then our house wouldn’t feel so out of control.

The “If then’s” ruled in my heart and ruled my motherhood.

I relied on my own strength and current circumstances to carry me through motherhood and based my own self worth on; all of which left me feeling weary, depressed, and absolutely unqualified. When you are feeling this way, it is really challenging to joyfully soak in your children, especially during the toddler years.

Here I was sitting in my house, watching other people’s toddlers from the window, and crying because I felt that I had let so much slip through my fingertips.  I let life get the best of me and run me over, time and time again.

My children are school aged now and what I’ve learned through the years is that all seasons are challenging in their own ways. Some things become easier while other things become more difficult. We can allow the seasons to be moments of growth were we are refined and changed. It’s in these harder seasons where we learn to trust in God and lean on him to get us through.   That doesn’t mean you have to love the season you’re in with your kids, but you can find ways to open up to God’s peace and grace; joyfully looking for the beauty of the season you’re in.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, guilty, or letting the worries of failure take over and taking away from your motherhood, try to tuck these tips into your sweet mama heart for safe keeping:

1. Let God in and Let Go– First and foremost, I need to make sure to invite God into my heart, my home, and my motherhood. Time with God and time in His word helps give me the foundation I need to face the day, no matter what that looks like. It also helps me to see life from His perspective. 

2. Embrace the Chaos– It’s crazy, but it’s okay to come to terms that life with kids equals chaos, intense, and all over the place emotions. Plain and simple, it’s not going to be perfect no matter what. It’s in those chaotic moments when I can step back and say yep, it’s crazy right now but it won’t always be and then I can focus on something that is going smoothly. Embrace what is in front of you with open arms, focus on the joyful moments, keep learning and most importantly breathe.

3. Give Yourself Grace: I need to accept that being a mom is hard, there will be good days and bad days. The reality is I am a human being  who is trying to figure out this mom gig as I go. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to prepare ourselves to be a mom, we don’t know until we actually go through it. Staying steady in God’s perspective of the child in front of us and how He sees us can take us from surviving to thriving. It’s not because you are a bad mom, it is just life sometimes. I must remember God’s mercies are new every morning and His love for us is deep.

4. Stay in the present– I am only hurting myself when I am living in the past of regrets or in the false future of thinking things will be better when their older. I am robbing myself of the presence. When I stay focused on the moment, I can appreciate the little things more and connect with my kids in an intentionally, beautiful way.  This will help get rid of all the “if then’s” and “the wait until their older” charades I play with myself.

The reality is, our kids are going to be adults in the blink of an eye (even though most days it may feel like forever away). It’s inevitable that it is going to happen and we’ll miss the busyness in our homes. We will miss seeing their sweet faces every day. We will miss the loudness of their precious little voices filling up all the spaces in our homes. We will miss being called mommy. We will miss being the first person they tell all of their stories to (I know it can be draining now but soon we will be forcing all the details from them!). The best thing we can do is find contentment in all seasons. That doesn’t mean you have to love the season you’re in with your kids, but you can find ways to be at peace with it so you can be joyfully looking for the beauty of the gifts God has in front of you.

So, moms, what do you say? Let’s rest in what is before us, remember it won’t be like this for long, and savour every bit of it that we can. Yep, that means even the crazy!

“Whenever my busy thoughts were out of control, the soothing comfort of your presence calmed me down and overwhelmed me with delight.” Psalm 94:19